Trust Me

In a season of life where I thought that taking action looked like things going according to my plan, my year did anything but.

Yes, it was a time to graduate (but my post-grad-life-plan looked different than the beautiful reality I get to step into now).

Yes, it was a time to release my novel (but I always imagined I would be a traditionally published romance author, not a self-published Christian writer).

And it was not a time for other seasons I thought I would be entering.

But the seasons that did occur came about in the most wonderfully surprising manner, with outcomes that far superseded anything I could have hoped for!

Because a kairos moment is not simply taking action, but rather action occurring in the Lord's time.

And I think it's that relinquishing of the timeline that makes trusting so hard.

As the year comes to a close, and I sit at the foot of the mountain that radically changed my life almost two years ago to the day, I want to be just the tiniest bit mad at God.

Because for all the incredible things He's done this year, the things that didn't occur, the things that my flesh craved more than anything, leave me desperate to cry and pout and ask God why.

And every time I dare to ask "why", He gives me this response: trust me.

Trust that I have your best interest.

Trust that I am working in ways you don't yet understand.

Trust that I am going to give you immeasurably more than you ask for and understand;

And it will come in MY timing, exactly when you need it, if only you are willing to wait just a minute and trust me.

Trust is hard. It's having faith in the God that you can't see, that He's working in ways you don't yet understand, and believing that everything that is meant for you is going to come to you at exactly the point that He ordains it, if only you can sit and wait.

I want to be mad that God is asking me to trust Him; angry that I don't fully understand the plan.

But I can't, because two years ago He did a drastic thing in my life, that quite literally threw me on my butt, shook me awake from the stagnate state I had been living in, and asked me to trust God when I didn't fully understand.

He tore my ACL as I approached the base of this mountain, and took me on a journey that not only healed me physically, but spiritually.

And I wouldn't trade that season of life for the world.

Because when we trust God and let things happen in His appointed time, we get kairos.

We get book launches, and new friendships, and new roles in careers we love, and we get to see the sweetness of the Lord's provision as He makes room for you to be available for exactly what He needs you to be available for this season, in ways you wouldn't have been, had you gotten what you wanted in your time.

So this year, I'm chasing after trust.

This year, I'm listening to the Lord and that sweet, small voice that says "trust me".

This year, I'm making room for Him, and whatever His will brings into my life.

Happy new year...

-Emma